gratitude Archives - Beyond Broccoli

I didn’t get enough sleep

I don’t have enough money

I need to exercise more

There is never enough time to get everything done

I’m not ___________ (thin, fit, attractive, rich, strong, smart, etc.) enough

Does your day start or end with any of these thoughts? What about throughout your day? Is there enough? Do you do enough? Are you enough?

Regardless of the abundance that surrounds us we often perceive a “culture of scarcity” – a mindset that can lead us to focus on what we lack versus what we have. A couple of years ago I was introduced to the work of Brene Brown, a psychology researcher who studies shame and vulnerability. Through her work she observes ways this “culture of scarcity” plays out in our everyday lives. The observation that struck me most is that people who struggle with emotional eating or binge eating, sometimes use food in response to these feelings of “not enough.” Brene suggests one possible antidote to subconscious and conscious feelings of scarcity and inadequacy: a gratitude practice.

“Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.” ― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

While it may be naïve to think a simple gratitude practice is the solution to behaviors as complex as binge eating, I am intrigued by the idea that focusing attention on what we have versus what we lack can help us feel more fulfilled in our everyday lives. Many clients struggling with emotional eating issues describe food as a way to “fill” some type of void that has nothing to do with biological hunger. Despite their “knowing” this is a reason they eat, they struggle to stop such behaviors. I often encourage clients to identify what is driving the eating because if it is not physical hunger then no amount of food will “fill” them. The idea behind this strategy is that whatever the real need is that drives this eating cannot be met if it goes unidentified. Unfortunately the process of unraveling underlying needs is not simple and takes time.

Is it possible that focusing more on what we are grateful for may help us feel more “full” in a positive way? Can we “fill up” on gratitude to replace mindless activities that don’t serve us well?

I decided to try a gratitude practice myself, just to see what would happen. Though I don’t currently struggle with eating issues, I definitely fall into that scarcity mindset with respect to time, money, and many other things I wish I had more of. When I learned about the scientific studies related to gratitude I wondered if this practice could impact other behaviors that distract my daily life and keep me feeling “busy.”

Last fall shortly after my return to Jackson, I was sitting at my desk with Ginny curled up next to my chair. I glanced at my favorite wedding picture propped on my desk beyond my computer, and then out my front window toward Snow King Mountain bathed in afternoon sunlight. Overwhelmed with gratitude, I wanted to freeze that moment. I was home in Wyoming with Dave and Ginny, I re-launched my dream career at Beyond Broccoli, and I was surrounded by mountains, a community I care deeply about, and immediate access to so many of the things I love to do. I knew that at some point the proverbial “honeymoon phase” of this new chapter of my life would fade, so I decided to start a gratitude practice. My hope was that at some point when the mundane aspects of everyday life replaced my bursting enthusiasm for all-things-Jackson, I could retrieve a few of these strips of paper and remind myself of all the aspects of my daily life that provide richness beyond measure.

I already journal regularly so I chose to try a gratitude jar instead. I got a Mason jar from the kitchen and removed the steel lid. I cut a piece of paper into small strips and wrote a few of the things I was grateful for in that moment. I continued to do this daily for a while, savoring simple moments that made me feel joy and contentment. Dog walks and puppy kisses, random acts of kindness, playing in the snow, sunshine on cold winter days, feeling love and support. It didn’t take long to notice moments of gratitude everywhere I went. Now I don’t even have to read my little scraps of paper – I glance at the jar on my desk and am filled with gratitude.

I don’t know if this gratitude strategy can decrease general thoughts and feelings of scarcity for everyone. I do know this has been a powerful practice for me. I am more aware when I start down the scarcity mind set path and can stop myself or at least recognize what is happening. Though things are going pretty well right now, as with most years the past 12 months included moments of fear, pain, and discomfort, and there were losses. I can’t say I felt less of these uncomfortable emotions, but I do think I was a bit more resilient. The way I see it there is no downside to a gratitude practice and for me nurturing resilience following life’s inevitable hardships, is enough.

“To love someone fiercely, to believe in something with your whole heart, to celebrate a fleeting moment in time, to fully engage in a life that doesn’t come with guarantees – these are risks that involve vulnerability and often pain. But, I’m learning that recognizing and leaning into the discomfort of vulnerability teaches us how to live with joy, gratitude and grace.”
― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

Last week kicked off the holiday season with our celebration of Thanks. I love the simplicity of Thanksgiving – gather with family, friends, or neighbors to celebrate what we are grateful for and share good food. However, the irony of this day of thanks followed by the biggest shopping day on the American calendar is not lost on me, nor is the fact that we spend the rest of the holiday season focused on what we don’t have or what others don’t have (the latter to guide our giving). It seems that despite our gratitude for what we have, somehow there is never enough of something.

I am reminded of Brene Brown’s gem of a book The Gifts of Imperfection in which she writes about cultivating a gratitude practice to counter our feelings of scarcity. She points out ways that we buy into the myth of scarcity, often subconsciously. In our society, despite abundant resources relative to other parts of the world or other times in human history, many of us focus on the ways we don’t have enough, can’t get enough, or just are not enough.

We don’t get enough sleep, exercise, recognition for our hard work, or vegetables (couldn’t resist). We don’t have enough time, power, love, or money. We aren’t attractive, thin, fit, smart, or rich enough. These everyday thoughts and feelings of lacking something (or lots of things) keep us searching, both consciously and unconsciously to fill a void, real and imagined.

The reality is, many of these things may be true, at least on the surface. We may not have enough money to pay all of our bills on time or to buy the perfect gift for a loved one, and it’s no secret that lots of Americans are sleep-deprived. But the continued focus on what we lack in every aspect of our lives is not helpful, even if it is true.

Balancing thoughts of what we lack with thoughts of what we have, and more importantly what we are grateful for in ourselves and in others, may help us fill this void. No, positive thoughts don’t directly pay our bills and this isn’t some hippie notion like “love will conquer all” (though love is a great start). In fact ignoring discomfort leads to a host of issues beyond the scope of this blog post. But unless we take a closer look at what we actually have, it is difficult to accurately assess what we really need.

So how does all of this relate to nutrition? Well, it turns out that one of the ways many of us try to “fill” this inner void is by eating (or not eating – food restriction is another way to numb, distract or ignore emotional pain and discomfort).

Now Brene Brown and others who write about perceived scarcity and the benefits of cultivating a gratitude practice don’t frame this practice specifically as a way to address emotional eating (compulsive overeating, binge eating, or eating when feeling any number of emotions and not physically hungry). But I wonder what could happen if we try to focus daily on what we are grateful for, even in some small way. I understand the challenge of starting something new during the insanely busy holiday season but I don’t think this needs to be super time-consuming or complicated (see below for ideas).

I also realize this is an emotionally difficult time of year for many of us who have experienced losses. Though it has been nearly 20 years since my Dad died, his love of all things Christmas still makes me sad at random times throughout this season. It is clear to me though, focusing on the loss and sadness isn’t helpful anymore. However, focusing on how grateful I am for my memories of Dad, even if they make me feel sad, is intriguing to me. Will this somehow help mindless munching I do while not conscious that I am feel an emptiness? I don’t know but I think it’s worth a try.

It does occur to me however, that it may be better to not immediately try to counter feelings of sadness, emptiness, or other emotional discomfort with thoughts about gratitude since the idea is not to invalidate our feelings. I think it may be better to set aside a time to practice gratitude, and to allow thoughts of gratitude to naturally surface at other times but perhaps pay slightly more attention to these thoughts. Say them out loud or share them with someone close to you.

Perhaps if we all try to notice when we are falling into thoughts and feelings of scarcity, and acknowledge what we are grateful for more consistently and consciously, we may not feel a need to fill ourselves with food when what we need or want has nothing to do with food.

So let’s try an informal cultural experiment. If you struggle with any variety of emotional eating, try to somehow incorporate a gratitude practice for even a few minutes each day and see what happens. If you want to, you can come back to this post and let us know how the experiment went for you or you can email me privately (mary@beyondbroccoli.com).

Here are some ideas from people who practice gratitude:

Start a gratitude journal – each morning or evening write down at least one thing you are grateful for. Doesn’t need to be fancy, a small memo pad works just fine.
Create a gratitude jar in which you write thoughts related to gratitude that come up throughout your day on little pieces of paper and put the pieces of paper in the jar.
Begin shared meals with each person at the table sharing something they are grateful for.
Use prayer or meditation to reflect on what makes you feel gratitude.

Meanwhile, I am grateful for all of you who read my ramblings. I hope the holiday season is off to a good start for all of you and that you know – you are enough in all of the ways that matter.

Here is a lovely 6 minute video with a Gratitude theme by cinematographer Louie Schwartzberg http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nj2ofrX7jAk

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Gratitude: Antidote to “Not Enough”

Never Enough

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